“When I got home that night as my
wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to
open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.
I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead
she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made
her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to
find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore.
I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I
drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car,
and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The
woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt
sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what
I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of
release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to
be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home
very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper
but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after
an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table
writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her
divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s
notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both
struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son
had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our
broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she
had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out
bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s
duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I
thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I
accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s
divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter
what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body
contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried
her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us,
daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From
the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters
with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son
about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the
door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us
acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of
her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long
time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her
face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a
minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted
her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given
ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our
sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one
morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one.
Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she
had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had
buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out
and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and
said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his
mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our
son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was
afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand
surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just
like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made
me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that
our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I
walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not
want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and
then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off
my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring
probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because
we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into
my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the
door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral
shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl
asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out
every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home,
flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife
in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy
with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to
save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push
through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving
husband….
The small details of your lives
are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car,
property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s
friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!
Remember love is the richest of
all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything.
Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder.
Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely
ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible
and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love.
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